Unplanning a wedding

Better leaving on time, than regretting it forever, and better a broken engagement than a divorce. Calling off a wedding is a difficult decision but sometimes it has to be done.


People call off weddings for lots of different reasons, there are the good ones and the not so good ones.


There are some people who call their weddings off because of family pressure, and they find themselves in a wedding focusing more on their guests than themselves. So, this is the happy side of unplanning weddings. The bride and groom go off and organize something more simple and intimate just for them.


But this “happy ending” is not the most common one. Usually, when a wedding is called off, there are very serious reasons behind it and it means the couple will not stay together.


Sometimes, weddings are organized as a way of patching things up, thinking things will go better once married. That is a mistake, after the buzz of the planning and the party and presents, everything goes back to normality.


In her book There goes the bride, Rachel Safier, points out 10 non-negotiable reasons to call off a wedding:


1. Physical abuse.
2. Lack of respect.
3. Lack of support.
4. Cheating.
5. Not accepting you as you are.
6. Failure to communicate.
7. Failure to agree on wedding plans can reflect important differences.
8. The “everyday” factor. Ask yourself, “Is he the one you want across the breakfast table from you every morning?”
9. Don’t get married if you find yourself saying, “I love him, but …”
10. Call it off if, for whatever reason, marrying this person doesn’t resonate with you and doesn’t feel wonderful — difficulties in living together or planning a wedding notwithstanding. A whole life together is a very long time.


The engaged person must reach the decision alone. Don’t be afraid to speak out. It’s now or never and think people who love you will understand.


Family and friends can help with the “un-planning”.


Many would-be brides place way too much importance on the material end of the wedding. all gifts should be returned, including the ring.


The wedding dress can’t be returned, but it can be sold, given to a non-profit, or cut down into a cocktail dress


Many of the services booked will keep a deposit if a wedding is cancelled at the last minute. But that shouldn’t be a reason to go ahead if one is not 100% sure. A divorce surely will be more costly than that.